“Nak, I need to pay the electric bill.”
“Ate/Kuya, my tuition fee—please don’t forget.”
“Your rent is overdue, you need to settle the payment soon.”
If you’re a breadwinner, these words probably feel all too familiar. You love your family, and you want to provide for them, but sometimes it feels like you’re giving more than you have. You want to say “No,” but you can’t. You want to hear “Thank you,” but instead, you hear, “Is this all? This isn’t enough.”
The Burden of Being the Breadwinner
The term “breadwinner” has deep historical roots, stretching back to medieval Europe. It originally referred to the person responsible for providing the essential needs of a family, particularly food—“bread,” symbolizing sustenance. Over time, this role evolved alongside societal and economic changes, and it became a cornerstone of family structure.
Before the 20th century, the concept of the breadwinner already existed. Industrialization, urbanization, and the resulting poverty and unemployment created a reliance on individuals to support their families. For centuries, the pressure to provide has weighed heavily on those in the breadwinner role.
The Struggles of the Breadwinner
Being a breadwinner is not just about financial support—it’s an emotional and mental burden. It’s the constant pressure to give, even when you’re running on empty. You may feel like you’re stuck in a cycle, always putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, often without an opportunity to take a break or prioritize your own well-being.
The reality is, being a breadwinner can feel isolating. When you say “no” or express that you can’t provide more, it can feel like you’re letting your family down. The response? Sometimes, a sense of disappointment, or worse, judgment. Not everyone will react this way—there are always family members who are grateful and understanding—but it can still leave you feeling unappreciated.
What Breadwinners Really Need: Appreciation and Empathy
All a breadwinner really needs are the simple words:
- “Thank you.”
- “How are you?”
- “Are you okay?”
- “We miss you. Come home.”
This message isn’t meant to demonize those who rely on their breadwinners, but rather to shed light on the silent struggles of those in this role. Many breadwinners feel that their personal growth has stalled because they are constantly expected to give, with little support in return. When family members don’t step up, it becomes even harder for the breadwinner to feel that they are seen and heard.
If only there were a way to show the emotional, mental, and physical toll it takes to be a breadwinner. If people could see just how draining it is, perhaps they would be more understanding, more considerate, and more loving. A simple thank-you could go a long way in making someone feel seen and appreciated.
A Call for Empathy: Let’s Check on Each Other
At the end of the day, the breadwinner’s joy comes from seeing their family happy and comfortable. However, that shouldn’t mean sacrificing their own happiness or well-being in the process.
Let’s normalize checking in on each other, regardless of roles. A simple “How are you?” could make all the difference. We may never know the struggles others are silently facing, but we can create a culture of empathy by offering support and acknowledgment.
To All the Breadwinners Out There
I am a proud breadwinner. I am also a career woman and a mother. And I am incredibly thankful for my loving and understanding family. If you are reading this and you too are a breadwinner, know that I see you. I won’t pray for your situation to change, but I will pray that you are blessed with strength, wisdom, and the small and big wins that you deserve.
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re a breadwinner or not, we all deserve to be heard, seen, and loved. Let’s create a culture of appreciation and support for those who carry the weight of others. Take a moment today to check in on the people around you. It could be the support they need to feel a little lighter.
Love,
LUMAD CEO
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